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Investing Jokes
To Brighten Your Day

Here are some investing jokes that I have collected from some books, newspapers, magazines and sites. Investing and trading can be stressful at times. Always persevere. Take a break and have some laughs.

Laughter is a good medicine...

Understanding Investments

STOCK: A magical piece of paper that is worth $33.75 until the moment you buy it. It will then be worth $8.50.

BROKER: The person you trust to help you make major financial decisions. Please note that the first five letters in this word spell "Broke".

BEAR: What your trade account and wallet will be when you take a flyer on that hot stock tip your friend gave you.

BULL: Statements and expressions your broker uses to explain why his recommended stock and mutual fuands tanked during the last quarter.

SHORT POSITION: A type of trade where, in theory, a person sells stocks he doesn't actually own. Since this also only ever works in theory, a short position is what a person usually ends up being in. (i.e. "The rent? Well, I'm a little short this month.

COMMISSION: The only reliable way to make money in the stock market, which is why your broker charges you one.

Investment Idea

  • If you had bought $1000 worth of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.

  • With Enron, you would have $16.50 of the original $1000.

  • With Worldcom, you would have less than $5 left.

  • If you had bought $1000 worth of soda pop one year ago, drank all the pop, then turned in the cans for the 5 cents deposit, you would have $107.

  • Based on the above, my current investment advice is to relax, have a soda and recycle.

    Short Investing Jokes

  • "In these times of financial turmoil, do you know what's the difference between a banker and a pigeon?"
    "A pigeon can still leave a deposit on a Porsche".

  • Q: What is Ben Bernanke's Favorite PC Game?
    A: Roller Coaster Tycoon

  • Q: Why is the fall in the stock market not so bad?
    A: It won't be so hard to keep up with the Dow Joneses.

  • What's the difference between buying a lottery ticket and buying a penny stock?
    In the first case, you help finance the local community swimming pool
    In the second case, you help finance the stock promoters' home pool.

  • Q: Why is advice so cheap?
    A: Because supply always exceeds demand.

  • October. This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in stocks. The others are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August and February. Mark Twain.

    An Interesting Definition

    Stock Analyst
    The joker who caused your stock to drop
    Market Correction
    What happens the day after you place a trade
    Intricate story devised to explain a bad trade
    Double Bottom
    The shape one's backside takes from sitting at a trading desk too long
    Exercise Limit
    Two minutes!
    Paper Trading
    False sense of security that occurs from trading with Monopoly Money.
    Elliott Wave
    Traders' version of the 'wave' performed at sporting events.
    Institutional Investor
    Where poor traders go to invest in the stock market.
    Selling climax
    Euphoric state experienced when closing a profitable trade.

    Many more investing jokes will be coming. Come back to this page often for some laughs. When times are not that good, it is those who learn to smile and learn from their mistakes, who will eventually be successful.

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